[Lane and Rory are walking down the street]

Lane: Oh, it was a fine collection, believe me.

Rory: She made you apply to every one?

Lane: And measured my head for a wimple.

Rory: Out of 23 schools, there wasnt one that you might want to go to?

Lane: Depends on what I'm looking for. Of course, all the great Seven Day Adventist were represented, with their ban on dancing, gum-chewing and bowling. Quaintfair College was a surprise, with its special appeal to Richard Nixon, who's dead, but still deeply involved in campus recuiting. Oh, and the piece de resistance, she found an Amish School in Nicaragua. Nicaragua! A big shout out to Mama Kim on that one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jess: What was that about a toy?

Lorelei: Your Uncle Luke's getting one if he's a good boy.

Luke: Can we make this more demeaning? [to Jess] Hey, why dont you go downstairs and help out Caesar?

Jess: I think my education comes first, dont you?

Lorelei: Oh my God.

Luke: What?

Lorelei: Jimmy Buffet?

Luke: Put that back.

Lorelei: You like Jimmy Buffet? He's so mellow.

Luke: I've just been to a few shows, thats all.

Lorelei: A few shows? Oh my God, you're a Buffethead.

Luke: Is that the one you want me to wear or not?

Lorelei: Sing Margaritaville.

Luke: No.

Jess: That attitude's gonna lose you that toy.

Luke: Stay out of this.

Lorelei: We found ourselves a winner.

Luke: Fine, fine, come on.

Lorelei: Just change in here.

Luke: I'll be more comfortable in here.

Lorelei: I've seen you swimming at the lake, so I've seen you with your shirt off.

Jess: Lately, cause he's really let himself go.

Luke: I'll be one second.

Lorelei: Lose the baseball cap, too.

Jess: You run the risk of his head falling off without it.

Lorelei: I think he'll be okay.

[Lorelei hears a noise from the closert]

Jess: Something wrong?

Lorelei: Ah, no. No, I just....no.

Luke: Happy?

Lorelei: Thrilled, now a tie with that would be just great.

Luke: We're leaving. And its got to be something I dont have to put together.

Lorelei: What?

Luke: My toy.

Lorelei: Got it.

Jess: Talk good.

Lorelei: Wow, we're late. Oh, by the way, Jess had a girl in the closet.

Luke: What?

Lorelei: Come on, pip pip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rory: So, have you mentioned dying your hair to the band, yet?

Lane: No, but they'll be cool with it. They've all got tattoos. Dave and Zack have musical themes, and Brian's got Snoopy.

Rory: Poor guy.

Lane: Yeah, but he's a slammin bass player.

Rory: So you havent even mentioned it to Dave?

Lane: I just said I didnt tell the band.

Rory: Not even Dave?

Lane: No, not even to Dave, and whats with all the pressing?

Rory: I dont know, Dave's just different from the other two.

Lane: Of course, he's the defacto leader.

Rory: I know, but it also seemed like from the day you guys met, that there was a little something happening there.

Lane: I dont know what you're talking about.

Rory: You're always talking about him. You always seem to be thinking about him. And now with this hair emancipation of yours, you're going to unheard of lengths, to make a statement to your mother about who you are, so you can have a shot at staying in the band. All roads lead to Dave.

Lane: Rory, Dave and I are professionals.

Rory: I know.

Lane: Plus the rock and roll highway is littered with casualties of band members who have dated and broken the band apart.

Rory: Thats a sensible attitude.

Lane: Very sensible, very sensible. Dave and I are very sensible people. [pause] I'm in love with him.

Rory: I know!

Lane: Is it that obvious?

Rory: Only to a guy with sunglasses and a dog selling pencils.

Lane: He's so cute.

Rory: Definitely cute.

Lane: And smart. And you know thats such a rare package, its usually one or the other.

Rory: Its wrong, but thats the way it usually is.

Lane: It just increases the amount of competition for the Dave's of the world.

Rory: You're rare too, dont forget.

Lane: I've never really felt this way before. I mean, Henry, yes, but we never spent any real time together. Its not just puppy love, you know, its different, I mean, I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about him. And when I call him to work out times for band practice, the ring of his telephone gets me really excited. And last week, someone said "Dave" at school, it wasnt even about my Dave, and I almost lost it I got so shaky.

Rory: My Dave, thats so cute.

Lane: Stop it.

Rory: It sounds like love to me.

Lane: It does, doesnt it? My first love, wow.

Rory: Yeah, wow.

Lane: I finally have a first love, like what you and Dean have.

Rory: [looks upset] right, exactly.

Lane: Of course, I dont exactly have what you and Dean have, because you love Dean and Dean loves you back. In my situation, I love Dave, and Dave thinks that I have a decent sense of rythm.

Rory: Dont move, you'll drip.

Lane: God, you are so lucky. To love a guy who actually knows you love him, and who loves you back? Thats got to be the best feeling ever.

Rory: I think this purple's going to look good.

Lane: I want that. I want that really bad.

Rory: You'll have that, you'll have your perfect first love, and second love, and any other love you want, because you're great, and purpleheads will not be denied.

Lane: Now that should have been put on the box.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke: You and I have got to have a little talk.

Jess: Hey, if you're going to get all Ward Cleaver on me, I gotta go call Eddie and Lumpy. Tell them I'm gonna be late.

Luke: Shut up for a second, would ya. Look, I know you're at an age where the whole girl thing, is on your mind a lot, and its probably not helping you to think straight with all the hormones, and other things that are raging around in there. My point is, you've got to think about things a little better, you know, the way you act, if you care about a girl, the way you do with Shane...

Jess: I don't care about her.

Luke: What?

Jess: I don't even know her last name.

Luke: You're kidding.

Jess: She mentined it once, it didn't stick.

Luke: Well, if you dont care about her, what are you doing with her?

Jess: Just hanging with her, no biggie.

Luke: Well you gotta be doing something more than hanging with her, you have to at least be doing something with her to make her jump into the closet when people come into the room.

Jess: Relax will ya, all is good.

Luke: Jess, this isnt right. You cant treat a girl like this, like dirt.

Jess: Well if its any consolation to you, she treats me like dirt, too. Its a pretty simbiotic relationship.

Luke: So thats fine with you?

Jess: Yes, it is.

Luke: To just go along in a relationship, treat somebody bad, and they treat you bad back.

Jess: Thats right.

Luke: And that makes you happy?

Jess: Well, I'd do backflips, but I am way too cool.

Luke: That makes absolutely no sense.

Jess: It doesn't have to make sense to you.

Luke: There are plenty of other girls out there in the world, Jess.

Jess: Don't you have to get back to the diner?

Luke: I mean, you could go out and at least find one, that you actually care about.

Jess: Ohh, like its that easy.

Luke: Yes, its that easy if you try.

Jess: Hey! The girls that I like, don't give a damn about me. And unlike some other people I know, I'm not gonna sit around hoping they change their minds, and suddenly notice me.

Luke: Whats that supposed to mean?

Jess: You fixed any neighbors porches lately? Or you go on a picnic, or you get roped into giving a ridiculous speech at a high school?

Luke: Shut up.

Jess: At least I've got a little self-esteem.

Luke: Shut up.

Jess: I'm not playing golden retriever, hoping someday she'll turn around and fall in my arms. If she doesnt want to be with me, fine.

Luke: You have no idea what you're talking about.

Jess: Whatever.