PARIS: I mean, come on, Senator Boxer, as one of our foremost Democratic leaders, I ask you do you really think it looks good to have the American Secretary of the Treasury traveling around with Bono? I mean, I know apparently hes a saint, hes going to save the world, yada, yada, yada, but my God! He never even takes the sunglasses off. We have an image to maintain, dont we? I mean, arent we at least trying to pretend were the superpower in this world? I mean, why not just send Carson Daly over to the Middle East next time Cheney goes, huh? Or hey, hook up Freddie Prinze Jr. with Colin Powell next time he meets with NATO. I mean, hell! Lets hear what Freddie has to say, right?
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RORY: Wow!
PARIS: Yeah, can you imagine pairing me with Jamie? I mean, why not just line the hallways with self esteem counselors right now.
RORY: Paris?
PARIS: What?
RORY: What do you mean what? He just asked you out on a date.
PARIS: He did not.
RORY: Yes, he did. Youre having dinner with Jamie tonight.
PARIS: Its a victory dinner, thats it.
RORY: Paris, if he just wanted to celebrate winning a debate, you guys couldve had coffee afterward, but he asked you out on a date.
PARIS: He did?
RORY: Yes.
PARIS: Did I accept?
RORY: Yes.
PARIS: Im going on a date?
RORY: Yes, you are.
PARIS: Oh man, I cant believe this! I finally get asked out on a date and I missed it? Was it a good ask-out?
RORY: It was a very good ask-out.
PARIS: God, I wish Id been there.
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LORELAI: Oh, I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon.
RORY: You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?
LORELAI: Just a little.
RORY: How much is a little?
LORELAI: Learn Russian
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LORELAI: That is it I have been it for the last. . .[sees Rory staring off at something] What? [sees Jess and a girl kissing against a tree] Oh, well, looks like hes got his what I did this summer essay all researched and ready to go. Guess you dodged a bullet there, huh?
RORY: What do you mean?
LORELAI: I dont know. It seems kind of lucky that you didnt throw everything away for Jess when you see. . .
RORY: See what? What am I seeing?
LORELAI: Youre upset.
RORY: No, Im not upset.
LORELAI: Yes, you are upset. I know when youre upset cause you look like my mother.
RORY: Thanks a lot.
LORELAI: You like my mother.
RORY: Yes, but you dont like your mother, so when you tell me that I look like your mother, its not exactly a compliment.
LORELAI: Honey, what is wrong?
RORY: Oh God!
LORELAI: What is it?
RORY: Its that!
LORELAI: Jess?
RORY: Yes!
LORELAI: Youre upset about Jess?
RORY: I said yes.
LORELAI: Yes, its Jess?
RORY: Youre not being funny.
LORELAI: Its not my fault that yes and Jess rhyme. Did I exploit the opportunity, of course I did, but . . .Rory, come on. I know you had this crush
RORY: It wasnt a crush.
LORELAI: Well, I thought it was over. I mean, you havent talked to him since
RORY: Sookies wedding.
LORELAI: You talked to him at Sookies wedding?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: He wasnt at Sookies wedding.
RORY: Yes, he was. He had just come back and he came to see me.
LORELAI: Okay, so he crashed Sookies wedding, and. . .
RORY: And nothing. He told me that he was back in town, that hed moved back, and. . .
LORELAI: What Rory? Come on.
RORY: And we kissed, okay?
LORELAI: You kissed?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: You kissed, like. . .you kissed?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: Okay, who kissed who?
RORY: What does that matter?
LORELAI: Because it matters. Did he kiss you, did you kiss each other, did you trip and your faces accidentally .
RORY: I kissed him.
LORELAI: Okay.
RORY: And I dont know, I thought he came back here because he liked me or something, and I kissed him and he kissed me back, and now hes over there and I feel so stupid and. . .that girl isnt even his type and -
LORELAI: Rory, what are you doing?
RORY: What do you mean, what am I doing? Im ranting. You should recognize this, I learned it from you.
LORELAI: Yeah, but you went to Sookies wedding with. . .with Dean.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: And then you ran off to have some thing with Jess.
RORY: It was a kiss, not a thing.
LORELAI: A kiss is a thing.
RORY: Well, it wasnt planned, it just happened.
LORELAI: I cant believe it. All this time Im thinking, Shes with Dean.
RORY: I am with Dean.
LORELAI: No, Rory kissing another guy is not being with Dean. Ask him, I bet hed back me up on that.
RORY: It was nothing.
LORELAI: Well, then why are you so freaked out?
RORY: Im not freaked out.
LORELAI: Look, kid, you have gotta make up your mind. Jess, Dean, Jess, Dean its enough already. If you want Jess, thats fine go get him, there he is. If you think thats the great love of your life, then great. . .grab a liver treat and a squeaky toy and run to him
