LUKE: Jess? [Luke turns the music off] How can anyone sleep through that? Its like the Huns are attacking and youre just well, youre oblivious and thats why you can just lie there while the rest of the world is going - . [he knocks over his little television] Great! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

JESS: Whoa, geez, what the hell?

LUKE: I cant stand it, Im going crazy. This place is awful. I cant live like this anymore.

JESS: Just relax.

LUKE: I cant relax. I cant sleep. Im having nightmares about being chased around by boxes with arms and they tackle me and pile clothing on top of my face and secure it around my head with packing tape and Im just lying there choking while youre sitting in the corner laughing, putting gel in your hair with a switchblade!

JESS: Should I be putting a tongue depressor in your mouth right about now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JESS: Forget it.

LUKE: Why, what was wrong with that one?

JESS: It was pink.

LUKE: We can paint it.

JESS: You mean I can paint it.

LUKE: We can paint it together.

JESS: Great, then we can hold hands and skip afterwards

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RORY: Hey.

JESS: Here. [tosses her a CD]

RORY: The Shaggs?

JESS: Trust me

RORY: Okay. So youre very punctual.

JESS: Yeah, well, it was this or continue apartment hunting with Luke.

RORY: Youre moving?

JESS: I dont know. Luke flipped out last night and next thing I know, hes dragging me all over town banging on pipes and measuring square footage. Its crazy.

RORY: A new place might be nice. More space, maybe youll get your own room.

JESS: You change your hair?

RORY: What?

JESS: Your hair looks different.

RORY: So, segues not your thing, huh?

JESS: Is it?

RORY: Well, um, no, I wear it like this a lot. Why?

JESS: Just looks different.

RORY: Oh, bad different?

LORELAI: [from living room] Hey, ducks!

RORY: We just got a new alarm clock.

JESS: Huh. Bet I know what the lead story in the Stars Hollow Gazettes gonna be tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RORY: Question.

JESS: Yes?

RORY: You come over. You seem to have a very firm grasp of the English language. You put together several full sentences, even using a couple of words that contain two or more syllables, and then my mother appears and suddenly we need a thought bubble over your head to understand what youre thinking. Can you tell me why that is?

JESS: The verbal thing comes and goes.

RORY: I would really appreciate it if you would try to get along with my mom.

JESS: I took the Coke.

RORY: I know.

JESS: Personally, I think its a little crazy to put lemon in Coke but I took it anyhow.

RORY: Stop it.

JESS: Ooh, stern face.

RORY: Look, I went out on a limb for you trying to get my mom to give you the benefit of the doubt, okay? So I dont think it would hurt you to try to be nice.

JESS: Why?

RORY: Why?

JESS: Yeah, why?

RORY: Because shes my mom and shes a friend of Lukes.

JESS: So?

RORY: What do you mean, so?

JESS: So just because shes your mom or Lukes friend doesnt mean that I automatically have to get along with her.

RORY: Jess, my mother is a great person. Shes also my best friend in the world, so if you care about me at all, you will take that into consideration and you will be mildly polite to her.

JESS: What makes you think I care about you?

RORY: I dont mean care care, like care. I mean if you like me at all. . . not like like. I just meant that if. . . if you think of me remotely as the sort of person that you could occasionally stand to talk to then you will try to get along with my mom, thats all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DEAN: I thought maybe we can go see The Lord of the Rings again.

RORY: Oh, okay.

DEAN: What?

RORY: Nothing.

DEAN: Well, I thought you loved The Lord of the Rings.

RORY: I do.

DEAN: You said you wanted to see it a hundred times.

RORY: Yes, and apparently were being very literal these days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LORELAI: So, are you a healthy eater like Luke?

JESS: No. No ones a healthy eater like Luke. Yule Gibbons wasnt a healthy eater like Luke.

LORELAI: Wow, its been ages since Ive heard a good Yule Gibbons reference.

JESS: Many parts of a pine tree are edible.

LORELAI: Thats right. God, I wonder what the research process was like to get that information.

JESS: Id say fairly painful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JESS: You look good.

RORY: Im fine.

JESS: Talk.

RORY: I lost my bracelet.

JESS: Uh huh.

RORY: Dean gave it to me.

JESS: How thoughtful.

RORY: Ive been all over town looking for it. Ive been to Lanes, Ive been to Lukes, Ive been to the bus stop, Ive been to Miss Pattys, and Ive circled Stars Hollow twice and nothing. I have no idea what Im going to do.

JESS: Its really that big a deal?

RORY: What do you mean?

JESS: I mean, I know its got an Ive been pinned Bye, Bye, Birdie kind of implication to it, but it was just a bracelet.

RORY: I dont think Dean will see it that way.

JESS: You didnt lose it on purpose.

RORY: I know, but things have been a little weird between us lately and. . .you couldnt care less.

JESS: Oh, yes, I could.

RORY: I just think Dean will read something into this.

JESS: Should he?

RORY: No.

JESS: I think you should keep looking.

RORY: Where?

JESS: Anywhere. Things you lose are usually right in front of your face. Check the house again.

RORY: Ive checked the house.

JESS: Its probably just laying in your room somewhere.

RORY: No, I tore that room apart, its not there.

JESS: Fine, give up then. No biggie. Deanll just have to get over it.

RORY: Ill go look again.

JESS: You do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LORELAI: You leaving?

JESS: Yeah, all done.

LORELAI: You werent gonna come get your money?

JESS: Ah, I figured Id get it eventually. Its not like I dont know where you guys live.

LORELAI: Thats true. You certainly do know where we live. Well here. After all, you earned it.

JESS: Thanks.

LORELAI: You took it, didnt you?

JESS: Excuse me.

LORELAI: Rorys bracelet you had it the whole time.

JESS: No idea what youre talking about.

LORELAI: Howd you get it?

JESS: I didnt get anything.

LORELAI: What, did you break into our house, you got all dressed in black and pulled a Mission: Impossible?

JESS: Actually, I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Claus.

LORELAI: Very funny.

JESS: Thought a ridiculous accusation deserved a ridiculous response.

LORELAI: So its just a great big ol coincidence that I catch you coming out of Rorys room a half an hour before she mysteriously finds the bracelet under her bed?

JESS: Guess so.

LORELAI: Why would you do this?

JESS: I gotta go.

LORELAI: I mean, I know you hate the world, but I thought you liked Rory.

JESS: I didnt do anything.

LORELAI: Bull.

JESS: Whatever.

LORELAI: Oh, dont whatever me, you little jerk. You let Rory run around completely panicked, thinking she lost her boyfriends bracelet. She was miserable, do you understand that?

JESS: I didnt take it.

LORELAI: Im sure youre jealous of Dean because hes great and Rorys madly in love with him, but you taking the bracelet didnt hurt Dean, it hurt Rory. That bracelet is the most precious thing she owns. She never takes it off. It means everything to her. And you stealing it was unbelievably cruel.

JESS: The most precious thing she owns?

LORELAI: Yes.

JESS: If its the most precious thing she owns, why did it take her two weeks to figure out it was gone, huh? You might wanna reevaluate how madly in love she is. I wouldnt start calling him son yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LORELAI: Hey Luke, um, does Jess ever talk to you about Rory?

LUKE: Uh, what do you mean?

LORELAI: I dont know. They just. . .they seem to be thrown together quite a lot lately and I was just trying to figure out if thats a coincidence or - .

LUKE: Or if theres something going on.

LORELAI: Yeah.

LUKE: I dont know.

LORELAI: Huh.

LUKE: Jess doesnt exactly confide in me.

LORELAI: Right.

LUKE: Of course, if there was something going on, I think thatd be really great.

LORELAI: You do?

LUKE: Yeah. Rorys a great kid, shed be really good for Jess.

LORELAI: Oh, yeah, she would.

LUKE: You really think there might be something going on?

LORELAI: I dont know

LUKE: Boy, that would be great.

LORELAI: Yeah, great.